Valley of Beginnnings: I was born for you
by smoke and steel
Summary: For years the Shodaime has kept secrets for the sake of the clan she was born into but one man changes that. FemShodaime/Madara. NOT YAOI!
1. Chapter 1

Valley of Beginnings: I was born for you

Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto I wouldn't be writing this disclaimer. Dattebayo!

1. Bloody Wood

**I was born at the worst possible time. In the days of my birth no established villages offered protection and those who couldn't fight were dead. It was a lucky child who got to keep their innocence to their teen years: I didn't have the choice. The only way to carve out a peaceful life for your family was at the point of a sword.**

**I was the firstborn of twins and an expected son to the clan with no daughters. I was born of Senju.**

The wooden floor was covered in blood that drained into the cracks. The midwife was pushing the already exhausted woman on and her screams ripped the silent air of the forest. She panted heavily as the sweat poured down her beautiful face.

Finally she gave one last push and two tiny wails curled through the air like a wolf to a full moon. Miho had naught but hours before her husband had to leave for the front lines, and she knew every time he left she knew he might not come back. It was the reality of the settlement they lived in and shared with other allies.

She looked down at the children she had borne as Senju Yamato burst into his wife's chambers.

"Senju-sama. your firstborn is a daughter. I-it is a miracle" The raspy voice was strong and filled with wonder. She was one of the few that had reached an old age and had seen many things; but never a Senju daughter.

"What? That's not possible... not since Senju Suki in the first days of our clan"

"It has happened after many years, but your secondborn is a son" He picked up his first child and looked into ebony eyes with violet tints that were the trademark of the Senju.

"I thank you for your services. Speak of this to noone. Leave us"

"As you wish my liege" She bowed respectfully to the clan head and was gone. For a moment everything was silent as the man gazed at his child, but even knowing the history of Senju females he could not bring himself to hate what he had helped create. It was a rare peaceful moment in the tempest that was his inheritance; but of course any moment of silence was just borrowed time amidst the blood and steel of daily life.

"My lord a messenger bearing the Uchiha crest has been sighted a few miles away under a white flag"

"I will meet him. Open the gates"

Looking back to the child in his arms he knew he would protect her with any means necessary. He put the child down and brought his hands together and in a hand seal and summoned his chakra. In tha space of two seconds his daughter became a son and he altered destiny.

* * *

"I bear greetings from my lord at the birth of your sons. his own wife went into childbed but hours ago"

He looked at the young man walking a little behind him. His face was carefully blank of emotion and held himself with a strict air.

"What is the real reason for Ryu's greetings?"

"Senju-sama, these are dangerous times as you know. The govenments are weak every day another clan or village disappears. Lord Ryu needs an alliance with a well-connected clan for the survival of his own"

The Tiger of Wood sighed, suddenly weary at the implications "I will meet your lord within a fortnight. You are invited to a night's lodging and food. Tomorrow I will pen a letter to your lord"

"My lord, you are too kind"

"These are dangerous times kindness has nothing to do with it"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Fanfiction means written by fans. *sigh* I do not own Naruto. Dattebayo!

2. Red Stings of Fate

**I was born in an era of blood that was hidden by the faux tranquility we had as we waited for the next inevitable conflict that would, once again, shake our world to the core. My mother could not hide the scars on her skin, nor my father the lines that advanced year by year.**

**My heritage was the clan of secrets. I was born of Uchiha.**

_15 years later_

The streets of the settlement were busy as defenses were being erected and worn rituals performed in the face of another threat. The two young women were all but ignored as they glided through the streets with the grace of kunoichi.

"I should be with my father preparing for the Kaguya and their allies. It is the duty of the firstborn to help lead the clan" the speaker was a tall curvy 15 year old wearing armor. She had hair of midnight black and eyes almost the same color except for tints of violet.

"You cannot let the clan control you, Hashi. Yamato-sama knows this and allows you to have this freedom so you will know what it is like to control your own destiny"

"It does me no good to know what I will never have" she looked up at the tree lined sky as if searching for answers there.

"Hikari when you look at this village what do you see?"

"I see a settlement full of people all touched by war who band together to live in freedom" Hashirama Senju winced at the innocent words of her closest friend.

"I see a village held in place with chains born from clan pride. The strong rule those weaker than them with a strict hierarchy. The clans are foolish and corrupt because of the power held by the clan elders" Hikari's blazing orange cat eyes looked steadily at the stoic heiress beside her. It was clear she was not talking just about the village the Senju unofficially ruled.

"Indeed. Why have you not revealed the illusion?"

A hard look came over the girl's face " I will keep this illusion the rest of my life" she answered shortly. "My feelings are not the only ones in this matter. If I reveal my Father's deception I will bring dishonor upon the clan and our family will be exiled from the clan and marked as blood traitors"

Hikari could feel the hopelessness burn up her throat but did not show the pity held deep within herself as she looked into the eyes of Hashirama Senju. After years of repressing everything she was, the pride of the Senju clan became an illusion herself.

"What of your happiness? What of your feelings for Uchiha Madara?"

Turning towards her Hashirama gave the saddest and most bitter smile Hikari had ever seen, her eyes shadowed by her dark hair.

"My happiness is naught but a far off dream and my feelings for Madara will remain just that; feelings"

Madara

No other girl had ever fascinated me as much as her. Every other girl I had acquainted myself with were just one night stands; none of them had ever engraved their image upon my memory like she had. She was obviously a well trained kunoichi judging by the light and careless grace she moved with. There was something about her eyes, the wariness and shattered innocence there that attracted me to her and when she said my name once on the street I felt like I had known her forever. And as she looked up and saw me with emotions flashing in her eyes I drank it like a thirsty man seeing water for the first time again.

Hashirama

I hated being a woman, the emotions I could otherwise suppress, the nagging desire to be _free,_ hoping for things I had given up many years before, and …_him._ Everything I had ever said to Hikari I wished I believed, but the words were hollow, meaningless.

Seeing him again after two years of absence was widening the crack in my armor to a chasm; spilling the emotions out like water. In the two years he had been gone he had grown to manhood. His already long hair spiked down his back and his lean frame was more muscular; and just like every other time I saw him my heart bled a little more.

Hikari

They say that the red string of fate binds two people together, and their destinies are forever intertwined. Whenever _they_ met I could almost see the red strings of their fate tangled, and the weight on their shoulders lightened. What they felt for each other almost blazed: in their gazes, a casual brush, the way they wove around each other almost unconsciously in the street when Hashirama allowed herself to be her true self.

They were blind to what everyone else could see or denying the impossible; because no matter how much they shined, rose above everyone else, they could not escape being puppets of the clan.

My duty was to the firstborn of the clan that had conquered my own many years ago. The marks burned into my skin showed the debt I would have to pay for the rest of my life. I had hated Hashirama until I saw the same invisible chains around 'him' that bound me. Senju Yamato had sensed what many refused to notice because of the resentment between Uchiha and Senju that still burned strong; the love his children had for the children of the Uchiha. He had assigned me the duty of protecting my new best friend from the elder's influence, and when the time was right, tie the red strings that bound them tighter.

_This is my mission, and I would not, could not fail… _


	3. Chapter 3

POSTED

3. Echoed in your eyes

As a child my sister became a puppet, and now, her eyes were shining empty mirrors because of what she had to become at far too young an age.

I am the second born to the clan of double standards. I was born of Senju.

Looking to the tranquil silence of the forest, you would not know of the lives hanging in balance, the misery made beautiful in the silence of the leaves. For what did the forest care about the bloodshed that had forced two 16 year olds to take control of their entire clans?

In battle Senju Yamato and Uchiha Ryu fought to the end as allies, cemented together finally because of the marriage of their second borns.

The messenger entered the rooms swiftly, his head held low as he failed to stop his tears. Kind men died everyday in battles not of their own making; but Lord Yamato was different, he had saved the life of a mere boy on the battlefield at the risk to his own, and then the life of an old enemy and uncomfortable ally.

The old doors creaked in mourning behind him; as if the loss of their tenant wounded them deeply.

Looking into the faces directed towards him; that of Senju Miho and Senju Hashirama, the messenger swallowed then bowed his head.

"My lady, my lord, Senju Yamato has fallen in battle. Senju Hashirama is the new Clan head"

"I will marry none of these women" he said throwing the files back on the table.

"Hashirama, as tradition dictates you will marry before accepting the mantle of clan head-" an Elder began smoothly but was cut off by the heir's raised voice in the dank, cave like room.

"I am well aware of our traditions Hatori-san. I already have a woman in mind"

"Your candidate?"

"Yamineko Hikari"

The temperature dropped a few degrees in the dark underground chamber as well as a few veins of killing intent after the Elder's acknowledged this defiance.

"You would marry that Yamineko trash and defile our bloodlines? Would you really trust those dirty lowlifes with the power of a Senju matriarch?" Hashirama hesitated for one moment, this was a decision that would affect not only her, but that of her best friend… but she shut her eyes and steeled herself inside. Raising her eyes the heiress became a solid trunk of strength whose actions resonated inside._'I'm sorry, Hikari'._

"Yes, I would. Have you forgotten that this 'trash' nearly defeated you in the wars? " Hashirama interjected sharply.

The main elder exhaled then steepled his fingers together. His gaze was calculating and thoughtful as his aged mind was carefully contemplating the positions of this demand.

"Fine. You will be bound to this _-Yamineko-_ and inherit the position of patriarch"

Hashirama bowed to Senju Kohai then met his soulless black eyes. _The eyes of a spider watching a fly caught in it's web._

"I have one last request to ask of the council"

"Yes?"

"That you honor the agreement formed many years ago after the defeat of Yamineko. **You will free the clan from their chains"**

"Have you completed the mission?"

The curt question was answered by a muted, disembodied, chuckle that resounded eerily through the air.

The voice was oily as it slithered through the air; "Of course Kohai-sama. Senju Yamato, and Uchiha Ryu have been dispatched. All is going as planned"

The Elder relaxed and smiled contentedly at the welcome news. Those two thorns in his sides were gone and would sow seeds of suspicion at their sudden deaths that would strain already strained relations even more between the clans. After all, conflict between them was far more lucrative than peace.

"Your reward as promised"

"Aa. Thank you my lord" the assassin purred contentedly as the sum clanked into his palm. He weighed it expertly as his eyes flashed with greed, but with one last bow he disappeared with no trace of ever being there.

'_The clan is finally out of your hands, Yamato, and the Uchiha clan are perfect pawns'_

His daughter was as much a fool as her father a weak, pathetic, female ripe for manipulation. The perfect puppet.

As the elder slithered back to his chambers he allowed a twisted, broken smile to grace his craggy face. Everything was going as planned…

'_Perfect…'_


	4. Chapter 4

POSTED Valley of Beginnings:I was born for you

4. Commander of my fate

In those days I spent every day on the battlefield with my brothers in men's clothing like my mother before me. The general of my twin brother's army who drew blood with every stroke and saw everything through the spinning tomoes of the Sharingan.

**However off the battlefield we shed the skins of monsters and became human again; Madara and Izuna drowning themselves in their cups and cheap whores to erase what they had done. **

**We were used to being pawns for the sake of the clan so I had no choice but to bow down to the clan's wishes and take a husband from the Senju clan to cement the peace. Tobirama Senju the commander of my fate; and now the one I loved most in this world.**

**I was born to the clan of shadows. I was born of Uchiha****. **

_Hashirama glided into her chambers silently. She didn't look at Hikari as she opened the door. Feeling her unspoken questions floating in the room Hashirama looked at the tapestry on the wall instead of her friend._

_She could hear how leaden her voice was as she said "I will marry a woman in a fortnight and receive the post of clan head"_

"_Who?"_

"_You…"_

_Finally she turned to Hikari. Her expression was all she needed to see before silent, salty tears ran down her cheek._

"I'm so sorry, Hikari… It was the only way to free them"

Fukira sighed and swished the sake around in her brimming cup looking out from under her bangs at the dismal affair that was Hashirama's wedding party.

It was depressing to see Hashirama's bloodshot eyes that showed she had not slept, and Hikari's eyes red from sobbing silently. They had disappeared long ago from the bright room where everyone celebrated the elaborate event that was a Senju wedding.

Tobirama was beside her and she could see the same despair echoed in his eyes. Fukira laid her hands gently over her husband's hoping to express what she couldn't express in words.

Hashirama

I had left my dismal wedding long ago so I wouldn't remember what a coward I'd been by forcing my best friend to pledge herself to me. The branch I stood on was cold and rough against my bare feet and the rain mixed with the shameful tears pouring from my eyes.

The illusion had faded long ago, the last time I would erase it from my body. Finally I couldn't stand the constricting haori that was everything I wasn't. I ripped it from my body and donned the clothing that defined who I really was. The clothing that carried all the memories of the person Madara loved who wasn't met to be. Beautiful memories sealed within the fabric that spoke of our conversations in the village square.

This would be the last time I would love Madara within my traitorous heart. After this I would be the son my father wanted and I would follow in his footsteps and rebuild his crumbled dreams.

Deep in thought Hashirama didn't notice the silent man who appeared next to her on the tree branch until he flared his chakra and put his arms around her slender waist. Her heart beat like a war drum in shock. It was as if her thoughts had summoned the object of her desire and she didn't resist as he turned her to face him and crashed his lips down to taste her.

Their mutual desire swirled around them like a heady fog and suddenly the kiss wasn't enough. Madara pulled her to him until he could feel her heat through his clothes and her hands tangled in his hair. The kunoichi clung to him like he might disappear as they swirled into his guest bedroom and he lowered her down onto the bed.

Sleep had smoothed out the furrow between Madara's brows and the contentment on his sleeping face almost undid the Senju woman's tightly wrapped heart. She resisted the temptation to brush aside a lock of hair and turned away from Madara towards the exit.

The ten steps from the bed to the door felt like an eternity as Hashirama imagined everything she could never have. She could almost believe her night with Madara was only a dream, if not for the pleasant ache between her thighs.

Finally she shut the door behind her and buried her love in the shadows of her heart.

She never opened that door again.


	5. Chapter 5

Valley of Beginnings:I was born for you

5. Repercussions of Sin

'War is the father of us all'

_-Heraclitus_

For many years chains bound my clan and I to our conquerors. I served the firstborn 'son' of the Senju clan with hatred burning in my heart until I saw chains binding Hashirama as well. A battle raged between her heart and mind that held her captive between two worlds, not fitting in one or the other.

**Like her I was a prisoner of destiny until she freed me through a marriage neither of us wanted. I have broken the chains but she has not.**

**I was born to the clan of slaves. I was born of Yamineko.**

"_You are marrying Hikari" the wood user spun to face the disembodied voice and saw Madara leaning against the wall, the Senju woman wasn't really that startled at his mute entrance and unruffled appearance. His eyes were unreadable, frustratingly so, and his body was relaxed with not one line of tension running through like a thread of steel wire. Hashirama couldn't say the same for herself._

_She didn't want him here, to tempt her, not when all she wanted was for him to make love to her again, whisper those beautiful cutting words as he pounded into her. _

_Endeavoring to look natural she muttered "Yes" to his almost forgotten statement reminding herself that it was easier this way. Hashirama turned back to the tree she had planted. She had planted it as a child; 10 years ago. Ten years, which now felt like centuries._

_Madara lowered himself beside his friend taking in the grove of sakura trees that grew behind the walls of the Senju Compound._

"…_You do not love her?"_

"_No, and I do not wish to. Sometimes we must put aside what we want" Although Hashirama's words were soft the eyes that accompanied them were not. Eyes of black diamond. Madara felt a tug in his chest as he saw those eyes that looked so much like another's; but on a softer face, eyes that he had not seen for so long. He brushed the imagery from his mind's eye fastidiously and with uncommon irritation. She had no qualms about leaving him so he should do the same. She was a weakness, nothing more._

"You are trying to free the Yamineko clan"

_Hashirama turned away but he didn't deny it. Unconsciously Madara asked the question that had been burning on his tongue__"Do you not wish for__your__own life?" He regretted it as soon as__the words rolled out of his mouth. All this talk about something that was not even his business and his reflections was unraveling him piece by agonizing piece. His best friend turned to him with a jaded expression he had never expected to see on his face. When had Hashirama become so acerbic, so draine of his ridiculous idealism and precious hope? Had he distanced himself enough, that he couldn't read anyone around him, their motivations, emotions, and agendas? _

"_Doesn't everybody? However I know enough not to hope for I am a shinobi. I have been a tool my entire life"_

_Dear god… She had gotten under his skin so badly, so irreversibly, that he couldn't even keep a tenuous control on his own life. _

The bile burned up her throat, leaving an acidic aftertaste until it spewed from her mouth and dropped into the grass at her feet. This was not the first time Hashirama had emptied the contents of her stomach and it was growing rather tiresome.

"Hashirama? Are you alright?" Hikari said worried, holding back Hashirama's long hair as her friend used her katana as a crutch. This was not the first time and Hikari was sincerely hoping it wasn't what she thought it was. She knew where Hashirama had been on their wedding night and felt the almost physical barriers she had put up after that night, so as usual she worried for her friend silently, and tried to lighten her burden any way she could.

She took her hands away as the Senju woman struggled to her feet and leaned heavily on her weapon.

"Hikari…get my mother"

Miho

Hashirama had not spoken to her mother for many years about anything of importance and the silence full of unsaid things washed over her like waves upon the beach.

Until finally her daughter murmured "Mother" stiffly. Hikari lingered behind Hashirama fluttering like a butterfly in the background. Miho knew why her daughter was here and she wasn't surprised.

She sat composedly on the tatami mat in _seiza_ position "Your symptoms?". Violet eyes stared stoically back. One second. Then two. Still staring steadily the young Senju clan head replied " My bleeding period is late, I regurgitate every morning, and my breasts have become fuller." Only her daughter could manage to make every word as dignified and complicated as possible.

The former Senju matriarch glanced more fully at the young woman and noticed the male features transposed on her daughter's face. Would her daughter ever become the woman she was meant to be?

"Remove that disgusting henge, Hashirama, or I will not tell you what your disease is" Hashirama's lips tightened before she grudgingly, almost sulkily let the illusion fade away and reshape her body into her own natural radiant features.

Disease. Miho almost snorted in contempt at her own words. Bringing a child into the world was a beautiful thing; one she had experienced herself. Her own children were bundles of memories and images of a happier, well-worn past. But, perhaps this occurrence was different, one more burden to add to the ever growing pile. As a mother she had always wished for grandchildren, but not in this way.

"I'm afraid my news will not be welcomed" Looking seriously into the visage that her daughter shared with her late husband and pushing the resemblance aside Miho continued "This is not something that will go away. It will affect the rest of your life" No reaction was given or revealed which she had expected but it stung to know that the child you had birthed could not even show one weakness, one chink in the armor to their own parent.

"You are with child"

Hashirama was stone still as her brain made the connection between what she had heard and her own disbelief. The façade snapped into place like a stretched rubber band and Hashirama stood up and swept out of the room without a word.

Hashirama

She had to get away from there. Anywhere would do. Diamond tears overflowed as the rain did long ago on the day of her wedding. The analytical part of her mind was still whirring with efficiency even though the rets of her seemed incapable. This was a complication, one that Hashirama knew she should regret, but with frightening ease could not care. Growing within her was Madara's child, something precious they had created. The unification of the Senju and Uchiha clans. It was surreal in a way that both excited and doomed her in one fell swoop.

Looking up at the stars that now scattered across the shadowed world Hashirama knew she would solve this.

She had to.


End file.
